"You’re so worth all of this torture."

— "Rare" - Man Overboard

"If I was without you even more than I already have to be it would be a catastrophe."

— "Mathematics" - Front Page

"I looked up at your window, pretended I could see you. You don’t live there anymore."

— "Earl Grey" - Basement

The Day After Christmas (Cerca December 2010)

I saw her again.
The last time for real.

I took her out to dinner.
Pretty nice place too.
Spent 48 bucks
After tip and all.
Then a couple more bucks
Because we rented
A couple movies.
We watched them at
Her parents house.
They were out of town.

I like her parents.
I met her dad once
And her mom twice.
Never at the same time though.
They’re real nice people.  

We didn’t really cuddle at all
While we watch the movies
Which bummed me out a lot
I mean she laid her legs across mine
But we didn’t really cuddle.
After the movies though
When I said I should get going
Then she wanted to cuddle
We sat there on the couch for a bit
I put my arm around her
She put hers across my chest
We just sat there.
She didn’t want me to go
I didn’t want to leave either
But I couldn’t spend the night
Her parents were coming home
Early the next morning

Who knows how many
Depressed sighs I let out
While we sat there.
Too many im sure.
Not knowing when
I would ever see her again
Was depressing the hell out of me.
She looked like she was
About to cry too.

She said I had to promise
That I would never change
Because I was such a
Good guy and all
I wanted to say
Id promise not to change
If she promised not to leave
But I didn’t.
I just said I promise
Ill never change.

I should’ve made her promise
That she wouldn’t fall in love
With some other guy
While she was gone
But she’ll be gone for three years
So she probably will.
That’s the worst part.
I mean ill still care about her
Three years from now
But if shes got a serious
Boyfriend by then
My feelings wont mean anything
Maybe she’ll feel bad for me
But its not like that will
Do me any good.

Eventually
We made our way to
Her front door and
I put on my shoes and coat
We hugged for a long time.
Then she kissed me on the cheek
And I damn near
Burst out in tears.
I managed to hold composure though
And we said our final goodbye.

Even now
I can hardly comprehend it.
I’m thinking about it right now
As I write this
And it’s just weird…
I may never see her again
If I said it out loud
I might start bawling.
This sucks.

Why couldn’t she just stay here
Or transfer to a school
Where I could visit her
On the weekends.
Florida is too damn far away.

Being 1700 miles away
From something
You want more than anything
Is almost unbearably painful.

It’s the worst.

"In the movies the good guy gets the girl. In real life it’s usually the prick."

— Nick Twisp (Youth in Revolt)

She gone now.

I think I was in complete denial
that she was ever really going to
leave.

Then yesterday came
and now who knows
if I’ll ever see her again

We spent our last night
together in her bed
but her roommate was there

she and her roommate
recollected the happenings
of the semester

It got annoying
and I wanted to leave
but I stayed in her bed with her anyway

I can’t stop thinking about her
about the nights we laid in bed
and talked until early in the morning
about the first time we cuddled
about the time she told she was glad she knew me
about the time she said I was like no guy she’d ever met
and about the time she told me I was going to be
a great father and an amazing husband
and then she almost started crying

I cant stop thinking
about the first time we held hands
about the time we made tiramisu
about our first date when I messed up the movie start time
so we ended up going to the dike an playing twenty questions
about the time she cooked me spaghetti
about the first time she rested her head on my shoulder
about all the times we did homework
about all the times we got lunch
about all the times i tried so hard to make her laugh
just so I could see her beautiful smile
and hear her adorable laugh

Shes gone now though
Florida will soon be her new home
I don’t know if ill ever see her again.

Faces.

We watched the notebook
and she painted smiley faces
on my thumb nails
one purple
one pink

 I said
The purple one is me
The pink one is you
They’re best friends

 She smiled

That was a week ago now
And the purple one
Hasn’t worn away at all
But the pink one is half gone.

 How incredibly ironic…