Beautiful Mystery

I can’t look at you
with out feeling undeserving
How is it that you care about me?
How did I make you care this much?
I shouldn’t question something so great
So just this once I’ll sit back
and accept the beautiful mystery  

Blinded by the light from eyes 
that long to gaze back into mine
you cried in my car
I didn’t notice until you told me
you said  “All I want is for your arms to hold me”

Faulty Directions (cerca November 2011)

Faulty directions
Placed us on the
Inner coastal draw bridge
Agape for a passing ship

We embraced the mistake.
After all, the night was still young
So why waste it at the hotel

Room 201 would wait patiently
For our return
No matter how many detours
We decided to take.

And so we drove.

We drove past palm trees
And Bentleys
And houses
Seemingly large enough
To warrant their own area codes

I fought back my compulsion
To understand what it takes
For a person to gain the money necessary
To own any of these contemporary castles

Why bother wondering anyway?
Who cares how or why these people
Came to live lives
Of such inconceivable luxury.

I could’ve wasted our entire drive
Wondering what I had to do
To one day own a house
Just like any of these
 
I could’ve let it eat away at me
Knowing that, chances are
I will never set foot
In any of these houses
Let alone own one.

But I didn’t.
I stopped thinking about it
Because I realized
I had something
That the men
Who owned these houses
Never would

I had something that was worth more
Than every single house,
Every single car,
And every single private yacht
On this island combined

She was sitting next to me
In the passenger seat of her car
With her fingers inter twined with mine
Giving me an impromptu tour
Of the gentry Palm Beach Island
In this city she called “home. “

She pointed out mansion after mansion
And hotels where a single nights stay
Probably cost more than my entire years rent
And she laughed as I made jokes about
The pretentious lifestyles of the islands inhabitants

I adored her
And her innocent admiration
Of the islands architecture.
I marveled at how
She took everything at face value
Hardly wondering
What it would actually take
To live a life of such opulence

The way she presented
The homes of the island to me
With wonder
Rather than desire
Showed the goodness in her heart
In a way she probably wouldn’t even understand

We just drove.

And I continued to fall even
More in love with her
Because she was perfect,
In ways she didn’t even realize. 

"You’re so worth all of this torture."

— "Rare" - Man Overboard

"If I was without you even more than I already have to be it would be a catastrophe."

— "Mathematics" - Front Page

We Didn’t Kiss

“I don’t know what it is,
But when you have your
arm around me
I just want to kiss you”

I couldn’t believe it
I really couldn’t
So I just didn’t say anything

We both laid there in the dark
Wondering what this meant
We had been just friends for so long
And though I had always
Had strong feelings for her
They had always been repressed

This was a dream
It had to be
There was no way she had just told me
That she wanted to kiss me

I was truly speechless

“Trav?”

I tried my best to say something
I needed time to process this
I needed to figure out what was going on

“We can’t kiss” I said

There was no way
That I could kiss her
She had told me a few months back
That she wasn’t going to kiss another guy
Until she knew it was the guy
She would marry.

I wanted to be him

I was so scared
That if we kissed I would be
Just another guy
And I refused to let that happen.
So as we laid there
Just the two of us
Is a small cabin
On Lake Plantagenet
With nobody around
We didn’t have sex
We didn’t make out
We didn’t kiss
We cuddled

And I told her
That since I had met her
I’d thought about her
Every single day
I told her I was crazy about her
I told her that she was beautiful
And funny
And intelligent
And honestly, perfect.

Different Weather

I left everything in the driveway
When reality hadn’t sunken in yet
I should’ve kissed you
I should have taken the risk

And now it’s how many months
Until we fall asleep together?
So far away
Different time zones
Different weather
I told myself I could handle this
You said the same thing
Now I lie in my bed
Every night
Waiting for the phone to ring

This town depresses me
Their loose morals and apathy
 I can’t stand these parties
Can’t stand anything about this place
When you were here
I could handle anything
Your presence was enough
But now I feel like
I’m dissolving

Come share these sheets with me
And help me understand
How there’s serenity in
Just holding your hand
How I see everything
That means anything
When I’m looking in your eyes

I would’ve rather taken a bullet
Then force out those goodbyes.

"There literally are no words I can say right now. You’re incredible and seriously Travis, I never want to be without you … ever."

— The Girl I Write All My Poetry About

"Here’s my advice: hold on to whatever keeps you warm inside."

— "Sycamore" - Such Gold

Cabin

A five hour drive.
I swear nobody looks better
in my passenger seat.
I could’ve drove for days,
periodically checking
if you were awake or asleep.

And that night,
when you crawled
into bed with me,
I was completely convinced
we’d do nothing more than
just sleep.
So how you ended up
in my arms
is still a mystery.
Then you pulled away,
a little afraid,
as you said you wanted to
kiss me.

And I swear to God I dreamed it.
That whole entire night.
That whole entire weekend.
I completely poured my heart out
and with every single word
you seemed to be more amazed.
and we just laid there together
like two puzzle pieces
who had been right in front of each other
and never seemed to realize
how well they fit together.

Our friendship
is still up there somewhere,
we only brought these feelings back.
And we’re still answering the questions
but clinging to the facts.

"I want to date you. Point blank. And not being able to is indescribably awful."

— The girl I write all my poetry about